Everything Weird
by heyimsodone
Summary: Random. Everything weird is happening to Massie. She suddenly has a milkman for a driver, horrible lip gloss, and no friends. And why does Claire suddenly have Edward Cullen's head? Warning: some OOC.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey everyone! Now, you will understand why when you read it, but it could be a crossover. I couldn't make it one because if someone from Twilight read this and they've never read the clique, it wouldn't make sense, since it's mainly about the Clique.**

**Now, Enjoy!!**

Hi! I'm Massie! I'm pretty, flawless, and I have a freak of a boyfriend who wears shorts in the winter!

My life is perfect and I'm popular, so that gives me the authority to boss around my slaves—I mean _friends_!

"Claire, go get me something to drink," I said prettily one day.

"No, you go get it," Claire said, all whiny.

"I will _nawt_ tolerate this from my slaves—I mean, friends!" I shouted.

"I'm tired of you bossing me around," Claire complained. "And I'm supposed to like, adore you—no wait, lemme me say it _your_ way— ah-dore you. I _hate_ saying it like that."

"You hate tawking like that?" I put a hand to my heart dramatically. "Well, Kuh-laire. I thawt you wanted to be like _me_."

"No, I don't. And Lisi Harrison is crazy for making me want to be like you."

"But I'm beautiful!" I wailed.

"I don't care." Claire walked out of my bedroom.

Well, fine. She can act like a……hmmmm….. what is she acting like again? Oh! An LBR!

Yeah. She can act like an LBR for all I care. I still have Kristen, Dylan, and Alicia to boss around.

I beautifully sauntered over to my cell phone, which I would've made Claire retrieve for me, but she wasn't here, so I was like, gasping for breath after I made my journey to my desk and back.

As soon as I made it to my bed, I heard a ding on my computer, so that meant I had to go to my desk all over _again_.

**SHORTS4LIFE: **Hi, Block

**MASSIEKUR: **Hey, freak-of-a-boyfriend-who-wears-shorts-in-the-winter

**SHORTS4LIFE:** Well, ur fat

**MASSIEKUR: **I am not FAT

**SHORTS4LIFE: **Fatso

**MASSIEKUR: **Stop it!!

**SHORTS4LIFE: **Not in a million years, fat ears

**MASSIEKUR: **Gawd, I h8e u!

**SHORTS4LIFE:** Oh yeah? Well, u suck. IDK why Lisi Harrison made me like u.

**MASSIEKUR: **Humph!

**SHORTS4LIFE: **That's all u gotta say? _Humph?_ C'mon, that's like, soooo yesterday.

**MASSIEKUR: **I'm 2 perfect 2 take this crap. Good-BYE!

I was about to go to my bed, but some freak named **HOLAGURRL **started IMing me.

**MASSIEKUR: **Who is this?

**HOLAGURRL: **Ur BFF, duh

I racked my brain for someone who could be my BFF, but all the people I know were either my slaves or my boyfriend_s_. Yes, I was cheating on Derrington. But let's get back to the point, okay?

**MASSIEKUR: **Claire?

**HOLAGURRL: **no

**MASSIEKUR: **Dylan?

**HOLAGURRL: **no

**MASSIEKUR: **Kristen?

**HOLAGURRL: **no

**MASSIEKUR:** Kemp?

**HOLAGURRL:** no

**MASSIEKUR: **Plovert?

**HOLAGURRL: **no. now it should be obvious who I am now

**MASSIEKUR: **CAM???

**HOLAGURRL:** NO!!! IT'S _ALICIA_!!!

**MASSIEKUR: **oh. Well wanna go 2 the mall & shop?

**HOLAGURRL: **Eh, ok

So I grabbed my purse and skipped out the door to the limo.

"Why do we have a limo?" I asked Isaac. "Where's the Range Rover?"  
"Eh, we updated," he shrugged.

"Is there a mini fridge in it?"

"No."

"Is there a TV?"

"No."  
"Is there….. a hot tub?"

"No."  
"Then what's in it?" I chucked my purse in the air, frustrated. It came down and hit Todd, who was hiding in the bushes, spying on me.

"Milk."

"Why is there milk in the limo?" I shrieked. I _HATED_ milk!

"Because I," Isaac puffed out his chest with pride, "am the town's new milkman."

"Eh, okay. Let's go pick up Alicia then."

When we got to the mall, I was surprised to see all my slaves and boyfriends at the entrance.

"Derry-poo and all my other hotties!" I said, thrashing about. I flung my arms around Cam, Plovert, Kemp, and Derrington.

"Get offa me!" Derrington pushed me away when I planted a glossy kiss on his cheek.

He wiped the mixture of coconut, blue ink, clam chowder, rotten bananas, and overcooked lobster off his cheek. I made that mixture with my own _Gloss It Yourself Kit_ that my mom, Kendra, gave to me for my birthday.

"Why'd you kiss him and not me?" Cam whined. "I thought you were my girlfriend."

"What!?!" Claire burst into tears. "You've been cheating on me?"

"You can have him," I said plainly. "His eyes make him look like a walrus. I don't know why Lisi Harrison made me like him. His eyes are scary."

"Yeah, they give me nightmares," Claire agreed. Then she turned to Cam. "I'm breaking up with you."

"Well, you're a supersensitive brat who freaks out way too easily and never stands up for herself!" Cam shouted.

"Oh, yeah? Well, your gummies taste like hairy butts!" Claire put her hands on her hips, ahb-viously thinking she's so clever. But she's wrong. _I'm _the clever one.

"How do you know what hairy butts taste like?" Plovert asked, interested. Why wasn't he interested in _me?_

Claire blushed.

So I decided to take action. "Where's Josh? I didn't get to flirt with him yet."

"Oh, he's in the bathroom, putting on mascara," Plovert informed me.

Just then, Josh came skipping over to us.

"Hi, Josh," Alicia said, her pupils turning into hearts.

I cupped my hands and whispered to Alicia through them. "Alicia," I whispered loudly. "You're acting like an LBR. It's so ahb-vious that you're in love with Josh and he doesn't even know it. Remember the time when you followed Josh to his own house and he had no idea? Gawd, that was such an LBR-moment for you!"

It turns out I was whispering too loud, because everyone in the mall heard me.

Josh started sobbing, mascara running down his face. "OH MY GOSH! A STALKER IS IN LOVE WITH ME! I'M GONNA _DIE!_"

I laughed meanly at him. "Josh, you look like a raccoon with mascara running down your face and you have hairy eyebrows, just like Edward Cullen."

Then, Edward Cullen stood next to my pretty self with a _Pop!_ "What did you say about me?" he demanded in his ugly voice.

"Whoa, did you Apparate here like they do in _Harry Potter_?" Dylan asked.

"Maybe I did," Edward looked down to see that he was missing a hand. "Oops, I splinched myself."

"Only wizards can Apparate," Kristen said.

"Well, I used to be Cedric Diggory before He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named killed me."

"Why can't you just say Voldemort?" Derrington said.

Edward gasped. "You said _His_ name! I'm outta here!" He Disapparated, splinching himself again, so his head was left here.

Claire bent down and grabbed his head. "This will look great next to the snow globes on my dresser!"

"You know what?" I said. "None of you appreciate my beautifulness, so I'm outta here!" I marched myself back to my limo.

Alicia ran after me. "Don't leave without me! Then I won't have a ride home!"

"Don't you have a limo?" I stopped and turned to face her.

"No. We downgraded to a Range Rover."

"Ya know what? Go home in the Range Rover. I'm sick of all of you." I started marching to my milk-filled limo.

"Curse you, Lisi Harrison! For making me be friends with _HER_!" Alicia pointed at me, and trotted back into the mall, her boobs jiggling with her.

Ugh. My life sucks. I have a limo filled with milk and no friends. You might as well just write LBR on my forehead with a magic marker.

But at least I'm still beautiful, right?

**Warning: This is meant to be stupid. Don't be offended. Don't trash me or I'll trash back. Seriously.**

**THE SEQUAL WILL COME SOON!**


	2. Author's Note Sorry about this!

**Hey, guys, I know we all hate those author notes, but I have to remind you guys that I'm not updating on this story. It's over.**

**But on the bright side: I'M MAKING THE SEQUEL!!!**

**So just be patient and you can read my other story in the making: **_**Massie's Cousin.**_

**And I will try to make the sequel titled **_**Massie's Buffle-Burger.**_

**I have already typed out some of it; I just need to finish it and post it.**

**Any questions? Just send a review!**


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